Want a man to propose? Be a bitch
In Why Men Marry Bitches, Sherry Argov says women shouldn’t be so nice
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Have you ever wondered what makes a man want to marry a particular woman? Is it about timing? Sex? Money? In her new book, “Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart,” Sherry Argov shows women how to transform a casual relationship into a committed one. She explains that being nice to your man won’t make him more devoted. In her interviews with men, Argov found that men want to commit to women who exude confidence and are in control of their lives. She was invited on “Today” to discuss her book. Read an excerpt:
Chapter One
Throwing Out the Rulebook. Why a Strong Woman Wins His Heart
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
Bill Cosby
Society's Guidelines for Good Girls
Imagine a world in which roles were reversed and men cooked for women, picked up socks, and couldn't wait to get married. Pretend you had a boyfriend who owned a hope chest with six lavender bow ties inside that he wanted his groomsmen to wear at the wedding. Picture him getting choked up every time you strolled past a Baby Gap. And that he greeted you at the door wearing silk boxers and cowboy boots, so he could do a pole dance for you. Then add a few ultimatums:
“Where's my ring?”
“Why won't you marry me?”
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As scary as it sounds, this is precisely the approach women are taught on how to catch a husband. It’s the plight of every "nice girl" who puts everyone else first, puts her own needs last, and doesn't think she is worthy of touching the hemline of her man’s pants.
When I polled men, they all said confident women are in very short supply. And that a confident woman is what they find sexiest. Is it any wonder that confident women are hard to come by? Look around. The average fashion magazine tells women to act like a servant, as if dating were a labor-intensive, blue-collar-job application: “Can you serve a cold beer in trashy lingerie? Do you leave razor-sharp creases in his shirts like employee-of-the-month at the Jolly Roger motel? Do you wear cellophane for him? Are you gardening in stilettos? Are you giving it up doggie-style? If so, he'll drop to one knee and propose ...”
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What women are learning from all of this is how to behave desperately. When her attitude is “Pick me! Pick me!” she hits the kill switch on his desire. It’s human nature. You'd be just as turned off by a guy who brought two dozen roses to a first coffee date and told you he felt like the luckiest SOB on the planet in the first five minutes.
It's human nature. Telling a woman to work harder to please is like telling a little kid to walk up to a schoolyard bully on the first day of school and say, “Here, take my lunch money. And you can have my cupcakes too. I’ll even throw in my lunchbox since you don’t have one.” Or, in a dating situation, “Here, take my body. And I made you a cake. Please be nice. Please marry me. I'll even jack my butt up nice and high like they do in yoga. It's so comfortable being upside down. Really. I just love it!”
Just because a man sleeps with you doesn't mean he's thinking about the future. For him to think about forever, there has to be something he respects within you. Like a strong wit ... and a strong mind.
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